11 years ago September 30th I began this incredible journey. My life is so different that was 11 years ago, and I barely know where to begin. 11 years ago, I had a spiritual awakening, a moment of clarity, after which my life has been completely different. my gratitude for what I have been given is difficult to describe.For instance, today, I get to celebrate this anniversary with a loving wife, a good job, good friends, and caring fellowship. I get to take care of myself. In today’s case, a root canal. I get to show my desire to be a part of this program by taking the bus, because our car is down, to my H and I commitment at the local prison. I feel particularly last to be able to celebrate my birthday while giving back to those people who, just like me, are reaping the consequences to their actions. I’m been on consequences. 11 years ago the only thing I would have spent that much effort on is getting loaded.
How did I get here? I say miracle. I say divine intervention. Also, a lot of hard work. When I first got here I did what everybody does. I went to 90 meetings and 90 days, didn’t get loaded between meetings, spoke up, got a sponsor, and work the steps. I allowed myself to have the miracle that is talked about in our text. Freedom from active addiction. I honestly feel that all that hard work merely got me out of the way so that God could help me. As we often hear I am my biggest problem. Probably always have been he been most of my life. Or literature gave me an instruction manual, our fellowship gave me a peer group, the steps help me work on myself, my sponsor helped guide me, but God is the instrument of my healing. When new I asked an old-timer what was different this. Was it because I had a sponsor? Because I was working in steps? He said, “it’s the grace of God”. And walked away.
My spiritual awakening, my moment of clarity, is always good to mention when I talk about my recovery. For me it was, oddly enough, 11 years ago, God willing, my last criminal act. I was dope sick, on the ground, with half the police force with guns trained on me and a big bag of cash for feet from my head. Suddenly they got off of me. And for one moment I thought I might be able to ground the cash and make a break for it. Directly after that my spirit got very quiet and I heard, more like felt, a voice. It seemed the voice was both inside and outside of me and said, “you don’t want to die”. It was that simple. I really didn’t. At that very moment everything changed. I gave up, I was done. All of the things that happen next were surely divinely inspired. I asked for help. I got it. I went to treatment. I went to meetings. I got a sponsor and began working the steps. I turned myself in to prison when it how I was asked. I was able to stay clean, go to meetings, and work the steps during my three year federal prison bit.
Since I’ve been out my life has been really good. Not always easy, but good. I have managed to hold onto the same job for eight years, which I have never done before. It got married and stayed that way. My relationships are pretty good. I have to be very diligent about keeping my side of the street clean as I am a real pig sometimes. No matter what, if I keep in touch with my god, everything seems to work out. I can’t afford to forget where I came from, or what I’ve done to get here, or where I want to go. In closing I’d just like to express my gratitude for all I have been given, and everyone and everything who has helped.
Thanks,
Rob
